Man Code

  1. Richard_Elzey3NEVER TRY TO STEAL YOUR FRIEND’S GIRL. (ONLY LOOK HER IN THE EYES, ANYWHERE ELSE IS FORBIDDEN)
  2. DON’T CHEAT ON YOUR WOMAN. IT MAKES YOU A DOUCHE BAG. – 100% UN-COOL
  3. NEVER DIS YOUR FRIEND’S WOMAN TO HIS FACE. WAIT TILL THEY BREAK UP.
  4. WHEN YOUR FRIEND GETS DUMPED, IT’S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO GET HIM LAID (OR AT LEAST DRUNK). AND THEN RIDE PAST HER HOUSE WHILE SCREAMING PROFANITIES
  5. WHEN YOUR BUDDY GETS TOO DRUNK, IT’S OKAY TO LET HIM MAKE AN ASS OUT OF HIMSELF FOR A WHILE, BUT KNOW WHEN TO STEP IN.
  6. DON’T LET YOUR FRIEND DRIVE HOME PLASTERED. AT LEAST SHOVE HIM IN A CAB.
  7. DON’T USE A URINAL RIGHT NEXT TO ANOTHER DUDE IF THERE’S ANOTHER ONE AVAILABLE. AND WHILE YOU’RE IN THERE…
  8. KEEP YOUR EYES ON YOUR OWN JUNK. NO PEEK-SNEAKING.
  9. IF YOUR FRIEND GETS IN A FIGHT, YOU HAVE TO BACK HIM UP. DOESN’T MATTER IF HE’S IN THE WRONG.
  10. IF A FRIEND CALLS YOU FROM JAIL, YOU HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO BAIL HIM OUT.
  11. IF YOUR FRIEND DIES, DELETE HIS INTERNET SEARCH HISTORY FIRST, MOURN LATER. (ALSO REMOVE ANYTHING FROM HIS HOUSE THAT WOULD MAKE HIM LOOK BAD TO HIS MOTHER)
  12. IF YOU’RE THE BEST MAN AT HIS WEDDING, YOU MUST GET A STRIPPER FOR THE BACHELOR PARTY, NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS HE WANTS.
  13. DON’T BEAT AROUND THE BUSH. SAY WHAT YOU MEAN.
  14. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES MAY 2 MEN SHARE AN UMBRELLA. (EXCEPTION: FATHER/SON OR HELPING THE ELDERLY)
  15. ANY MAN WHO BRINGS A CAMERA TO A BACHELOR PARTY MAY BE LEGALLY KILLED AND EATEN BY HIS FELLOW PARTY-GOERS.
  16. WHEN YOU ARE QUERIED BY A BUDDY’S WIFE, GIRLFRIEND, MOTHER, FATHER, PRIEST, SHRINK, DENTIST, ACCOUNTANT, OR DOG WALKER, YOU NEED NOT AND SHOULD NOT PROVIDE ANY USEFUL INFORMATION WHATSOEVER AS TO HIS WHEREABOUTS. YOU ARE PERMITTED TO DENY HIS VERY EXISTENCE.
  17. THE MINIMUM AMOUNT OF TIME YOU HAVE TO WAIT FOR ANOTHER GUY WHO’S RUNNING LATE IS 5 MINUTES. FOR A GIRL, YOU ARE REQUIRED TO WAIT 10 MINUTES FOR EVERY POINT OF HOTNESS SHE SCORES ON THE CLASSIC 1-10 BABE SCALE.
  18. NO MAN IS EVER REQUIRED TO BUY A BIRTHDAY PRESENT FOR ANOTHER MAN. IN FACT, EVEN REMEMBERING A FRIENDS BIRTHDAY IS STRICTLY OPTIONAL AND SLIGHTLY GAY.
  19. IF A MAN’S ZIPPER IS DOWN, THAT’S HIS PROBLEM – YOU DIDN’T SEE NOTHIN’.
  20. A MAN MUST NEVER OWN A CAT OR LIKE HIS GIRLFRIEND’S CAT.
  21. IT IS PERMISSIBLE TO CONSUME A FRUITY CHICK DRINK ONLY WHEN YOU’RE SUNNING ON A TROPICAL BEACH… AND IT’S DELIVERED BY A TOPLESS SUPERMODEL… AND IT’S FREE.
  22. UNLESS YOU’RE IN PRISON, NEVER FIGHT NAKED.
  23. NEVER HESITATE TO REACH FOR THE LAST BEER OR THE LAST SLICE OF PIZZA, BUT NOT BOTH. THAT’S JUST PLAIN MEAN.
  24. NEVER TALK TO A MAN IN THE BATHROOM UNLESS YOU’RE ON EQUAL FOOTING: EITHER BOTH URINATING OR BOTH WAITING IN LINE. IN ALL OTHER SITUATIONS, A NOD IS ALL THE CONVERSATION YOU NEED.
  25. UNLOCKING A CAR DOOR FOR ANOTHER MAN IS POLITE. OPENING IT IS GAY.
  26. WHEN SHOPPING FOR CONDOMS DO IT SOLO, OR IF A WOMAN IS IN TOW YOU HAVE TO PURCHASE THE XXL. EVEN IF THIS MEANS SWITCHING THE XXL WITH A SMALLER SIZE LATER.
  27. MEN HAVING SHOUTING MATCHES IN PUBLIC ISN’T MANLY. FIST FIGHT OR SHUT UP AND GO HOME.
  28. DO NOT ALLOW ANOTHER MAN TO SLAP YOU IN THE FACE WITHOUT HARSH RETALIATION. (OR YOU’RE HIS BITCH)
  29. RIDING IN THE CAR PLAYING SLOW LOVE JAMS WITH A BUDDY IS A VIOLATION OF ANY MAN CODE!
  30. UNLESS IT’S A MILITARY CANTEEN YOU NEVER DRINK FROM ANOTHER MAN’S CAN OR BOTTLE.
  31. A MAN IS SWORN TO FIGHT WITH/FOR A FRIEND IF HE IS JUMPED BY MORE THAN ONE PERSON.
  32. IT IS NEVER OKAY FOR A MAN TO SAMPLE FOOD FROM HIS BUDDY’S PLATE. YOU MAY DRAG IT ONTO YOUR PLATE AND THEN EAT IT.
  33. COMPLIMENTS PAID TO ANOTHER MAN SHOULD BE BRIEF AND FEW.
  34. ALL MEN SHOULD HAVE A CODE THEY LIVE BY.
  35. A MAN WITHOUT HIS WORD IS NOTHING. YOUR NAME AND REPUTATION IS EVERYTHING.
  36. ANY MALE WHO SAYS “I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE MAN LAWS” IS NOT A MAN.
  37. NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU RESPECT A MAN, LOOK HIM IN THE EYE WHEN YOU SPEAK.
  38. MEN DON’T TELL OTHER MEN WHAT TO DRINK.
  39. A MOTORCYCLE OR BICYCLE HAS A ONE MALE CAPACITY. DO NOT VIOLATE THIS RULE.
  40. A MEN’S BATHROOM IS NOT THE PLACE TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS.
  41. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES IS IT EVER OKAY TO TAKE A PHOTO OF YOUR PENIS TO SEND TO A MAN OR WOMAN.
  42. NEVER REPRIMAND OR EMBARRASS ANOTHER MAN IN FRONT OF HIS CHILDREN.
  43. MEN DON’T STARE AT OTHER MEN UNLESS ATTEMPTING TO PROVOKE AN ARGUMENT.
  44. IT’S AGAINST MAN LAWS TO ONE-UP A FRIEND AT THE JOB NO MATTER THE SITUATION.
  45. MEN TAKE TIME TO MEDITATE ON A SITUATION THEN ONCE DECIDED STAND FIRMLY BY IT.
  46. DON’T DATE/BANG YOUR FRIENDS SISTER, MOTHER, OR DAUGHTER, NO MATTER WHAT!
  47. YOU CAN NEVER DATE A BUDDY’S EX, NOT EVEN IF THEY SAY IT’S OK.
  48. IF YOU’RE GAY AND YOUR BUDDY IS NOT YOU CAN NEVER MAKE ANY ROMANTIC MOVES ON THEM…EVER, DON’T EVEN THINK IT.
  49. NEVER BUY A GUY A GIFT MORE THAT $10. BOTTLE OPENERS ARE ALWAYS GOOD.
  50. DON’T BEAT AROUND THE BUSH, SAY WHAT YOU MEAN AND DON’T WASTE A GUYS TIME.